Kelly and Kiyoka

You know those things that you regret about life. The people that you hurt that do nothing but love you..that is the worst kind of hurt, but being young I didnt know any better. Kelly, is ordinary...except in one major way.. her heart... I dont remember how I met her, but I remember the first time I saw her. We hung out a lot, in my basement. Its funny, I can still remember how she smelled..lol. What made me a deuche is that she wanted to be my girl friend she loved me, but I didnt love her. I didnt have any thing to give her...I think if I met her today, it may have gone differently, but it didnt. I think that she helped me get through those tough times, and I was always be thankful for that. It reminds me of the Notebook, when Noah has sex with the other chick in the movie, but his heart is always thinking about some one else. Dont get me wrong..I loved Kelly, and a part of me will always, but I wasnt in love with her. She knew what she wanted, a baby and family. I didnt...but that wasnt why I didnt go for her. I dunno..just didnt..
I was honest with her in telling her my feelings. I think she thought that she could change me.. change the way I feel, but I knew it wasnt met to be. She was great though. She was my first real sexual partner, and it was well fun. I think she might have the best breasts I have ever seen.. really...that maybe too blunt.. but its the truth. I told her that if she ever found some body that she wanted to date..to go ahead...I think that broke her heart.. but you know what.. she found somebody.. a great guy named Nick.. her husband.. who she has a beautiful daughter and life with. So some times I know I am making the right decision, even if I didnt it some what deuche...Its warming...knowing that some one loves you completely, but I am looking for that crazy love, I think that I am still looking for that... I do regret breaking her heart.. she didnt deserve that, but God had better plans for her..
The next big saga in my life....was Kiyoka..She was a Japanese exchange student..that was there for one year..I can remember first seeing her...on the grass in front of the international dorm..if I only would have acted faster..things may have been different...I may have been different...It started when I came back from X-mas break of my junior year..after Kelly and I were done...I started slowly getting more and more interested...I actually persued her.. it feels good to persue....the phrase persistance beats resistance is true...I always feel like a good person when I persue...sometimes I get sad because I dont know if I still am that guy...the hopeless romantic...Anyway, back to the story. It started with me just bumping into her in the halls.. then I would eat breakfast at the same long table as her....then...the library..finally I would find myself intentionally running into her. She would study a lot at the library. I would go there just to see her.. pass her love notes...Now she had a boyfriend back in Japan.. but I didnt care..I wanted her...eventually we spent almost all the time together...dinner, talking, movies...it was great...Looking back.. another 3 months..and I think we probably would have been married..lol..at least eventually...but life has other plans..
So in the last month of school.. I was in love with her...but she had to go back to Japan..which broke my heart....that last month.. I was so happy..and her love was pure.. It was the great love too. the kind that you earn..Finally, she had to go back.. I remember our last walk...We both broke down crying...I can still see her face...She called me C.C...and said I had goo goo eyes.. she loved them...I love when she called me C.C. and I hope that my wife does the same..She is the only women who ever has...I remember giving her a last hug..crying...knowing in the back of my head that I would never see her again. I was supposed to go over to Japan for study abroad, but it was either use that money for grad school, or study abroad....I chose grad school. I dont regret the choice though.. Somethings should be left untouched..despite my heartache...life has a way of working out...