BU BU BU!!!

My Bradley years began in excitement and bugs. I moved in to a basement with a bunch of buddies. This basement was full of flies and grasshoppers. It was dark, moldly, and generally disgusting. I made a little less disgusting. It was free rent though, so I went through it. Looking back.. I dont know if I would live in the basement again, but being poor.. I got free rent and I was able to live in a house with a bunch of friends.
Grad school was new and excited, and I remember I was suprised at 1) That I was the only American 2) That everyone was older than myself. It was a great time in my life though. The Rusty Pole...but back to my toils.
So my first "Bradley" interest was Jaime..or Ji-mae.. as Moes called her. She always acted interested, but we never seem to get together. Eventually, we started hanging out, and I started doing sweet things for her.. Bringing her food, notes.. all that romantic crap. She was the type of girl that was kind of town-boyish.. but she had a boombastic body. It went on that way. Gradually, I chipped away at her, I think. I would hang out with her and her freshman friends, even though I really didnt want to. Just to see her. It was hard to read her, and I was a little bit insecure because she never expressed emotion. I always had to hear how much she liked me through her friends.
There are a few things worth note though, before I come to the end. I used to drive to her place (about an hour away) just to spend time with her. We would sit there and talk and watch tv for hours.. She always stroked my hair when we were cuddling. I liked that. The times that it was just me and her. New Years Eve we spend in Chicago. It was awesome. $20 all you could drink. It was a perfect New Years, and I got to kiss her at mid-night. It was a memoriable kiss. The Chicago Skyline in the background. I think it was the best New Years I have ever had, still to this day.
Now eventually, I grew tired of trying and not really ever gaining. I mean, we were making out, but it would never advance, and she said that she wasnt ready for a relationship.. Let me stop you, if a woman ever says those words, say "take a hike". So I stopped calling, hanging out...everything.
One night, about 6 months later, she called me saying that she was ready for a relationship. I said that I would call her to hang out. I never did. I knew I was over those childish games. Plus, I dont want a saint by any means, but when sex is not involved..and you want it to be.. it gets complicated.
One side note: I did have a brief run-in with a girl named Emily who used to hang out with us. She got drunk one night, slept over.. didnt say anything..left.. and then told me that she wasnt interested. I dont know what to make of this, but I figure it makes a funny tidbit, and I would include it. They wonder why I am a man-cub...lol
That brings us to the Saga....known as Kristen.
Where to begin.. I guess.. Myspace. She was man-hunting.. as she sometimes does, and found me on myspace. We chatted a little bit, but I wasnt sure what to make of it. To be honest I am not sure how I feel about women who try to contact you via myspace, or at least I didnt at the time. So eventually, I agreed to meet her at wing-dings. I can remember seeing her for the first time. She was wearing a green shirt. She had curly blonde hair, and was cute. I started talking to her...and eventually we went to her bar..Richards.. Excuse my tone, but this is like Jesus telling the story of the beginning of the Bible...it seems so small when you know how the story turns out.
Thats where it began. I sat there, talking to her. I have to tell you something, a confession. I have a mini-gift. I have the ability to read people. I think that I can tell a person true persona. I could see right through her. I dont think that she has/had that ever happen to her before. Maybe thats why she got so interested. I am not really sure, all I knew is that she was the typical "tough" exterior with a marshmellow interior. Although there was nothing purely typical about her, except that I was a deuche bag....

Emily and Kate...

So I just kind of floated around like that for a while. You know how people get into that trap of routine. Then I remember seeing Emily for the first time. She was sitting on my back porch, visiting my roommate Ryan. She did a double take immediately. I was a Sr. at WIU, and she was a freshman at U of I. Somehow, I started talking to her....then everyday..it was nice..but there is a point on the phone that you cant pass. A wall. That once you reach only spending true time together is the way to go. I used to drive over (4 hours) just to spend the weekend with her. It was good. There was one problem...she was young and still a prude to be honest. I remember when we were messing around..she would suddenly freak out and say things like "God is watching us". I mean there isnt much to say to that...and I think she was somewhat embarrassed that people might think she is making out with her boyfriend...Although she did have a freaky side too...which made me want her even more.. She had the finest ass ever. She had been a runner in High school..man that thing was sweet. Plus, she was a big U of I fan..and I got to go to many games the year they made it to the championship game. The best thing about this story is winter break. That was the time when we were falling in love, when there was no distance between us...it was wonderful...She was so kind hearted...really..a little naive...but really a sweet person. I once dressed as the hulk for her...shirtless and all...I loved the times it was just me and her...she always smelled like cotton candy. Now, I foolishly wait for that smell. I can remember dancing and kissing to Bryan Adams..and it makes me miss those times. When I was coming back...being a hopeless romantic. The only thing is...when you are falling in love and have to go back to the distance...it doesnt work...you know what it can be...and you know that it will never be that. Its a funny thing about me. I always try to look at the best part of things, at least in relationships. Eventually, it had to end..and it did.. I think she may have been the last girl that I really had no biased with.
I even had the opportunity to sleep with my teacher, and i passed because I didnt want to be a cheater. My teacher..did the classic.. well finals are today..and so you are no longer my student..Do you wanna come back to my place.. I went back...maybe just curious. I had never been seduced before. Right before, the point of no turning back. I did..I gave her a hug..and left. That was the last time I ever saw my teacher...Jenna.
That brings me to Kate. For her, I must back up a little bit. My friend Mark, was dating Kate. I can remember the first time I saw her. She was so shy, I think it was funny in a way. Well, over the years, she dated Mark, and I dated other people. I could feel the tension building though, especially when it was just me and her. Anyway, she graduated and would come back to visit.. we would hang out. She was incredible. She got me.. I mean she loved to laugh with me.. Gorgeous, humble, funny.. just a total package. The kind of girl that you want to end up with, and I did want her.
My senior year, after Emily. I went into kind of a lul. So I started going to Bradley. Kate was from near Peoria, so we started hanging out...a lot.. Just me and her. I felt bad because I could sense Mark could sense us...but it was an unstoppable force...So she would come and go out with us at bradley. There was one night...me and her were standing in a dark hall way..just looking into each others eyes. I know that she was falling for me. If I only would have known what would happen..I would have gone for it. So graduation came, and she came up to me and gave me a sweet card..that I still have. We where excited because I was going to Bradley for grad school.
We kept in touch over summer, and her and Mark broke up. Well, I tried several times to hang out with her...but she never came...I am not sure why, but she never did. I have never seen her since that day at graduation. Its funny because my heart is still a little broken over that. I mean, I even called her to tell her how I felt...she never responded. She still hasnt. I think that maybe she views it as "what could have been", or maybe she didnt want to hurt Mark. All I know is that. I often wake up at night wondering what happened.
A few months back. I woke up in the middle of the night after a dream that Kate got married. Then a few days later, I saw a picture of her in a wedding dress. Sometimes, I think I am cursed, but maybe these are just heroes trials before i finally get the girl of my dreams. Maybe I will never find her. Its hard finding the girl of your dreams, and then have it end like that. It feels so unfinished, but I tried. So I cant regret anything, and I know that for that short period in the hall way. We could see right into each other...and I guess that will have to be good enough. Although I get sad thinking about that.
Chad, you are the only one that will probably read this, and that is a story that I am not sure anyone knows...but that begins my life as a BU Brave...

Kelly and Kiyoka

You know those things that you regret about life. The people that you hurt that do nothing but love you..that is the worst kind of hurt, but being young I didnt know any better. Kelly, is ordinary...except in one major way.. her heart... I dont remember how I met her, but I remember the first time I saw her. We hung out a lot, in my basement. Its funny, I can still remember how she smelled..lol. What made me a deuche is that she wanted to be my girl friend she loved me, but I didnt love her. I didnt have any thing to give her...I think if I met her today, it may have gone differently, but it didnt. I think that she helped me get through those tough times, and I was always be thankful for that. It reminds me of the Notebook, when Noah has sex with the other chick in the movie, but his heart is always thinking about some one else. Dont get me wrong..I loved Kelly, and a part of me will always, but I wasnt in love with her. She knew what she wanted, a baby and family. I didnt...but that wasnt why I didnt go for her. I dunno..just didnt..
I was honest with her in telling her my feelings. I think she thought that she could change me.. change the way I feel, but I knew it wasnt met to be. She was great though. She was my first real sexual partner, and it was well fun. I think she might have the best breasts I have ever seen.. really...that maybe too blunt.. but its the truth. I told her that if she ever found some body that she wanted to date..to go ahead...I think that broke her heart.. but you know what.. she found somebody.. a great guy named Nick.. her husband.. who she has a beautiful daughter and life with. So some times I know I am making the right decision, even if I didnt it some what deuche...Its warming...knowing that some one loves you completely, but I am looking for that crazy love, I think that I am still looking for that... I do regret breaking her heart.. she didnt deserve that, but God had better plans for her..
The next big saga in my life....was Kiyoka..She was a Japanese exchange student..that was there for one year..I can remember first seeing her...on the grass in front of the international dorm..if I only would have acted faster..things may have been different...I may have been different...It started when I came back from X-mas break of my junior year..after Kelly and I were done...I started slowly getting more and more interested...I actually persued her.. it feels good to persue....the phrase persistance beats resistance is true...I always feel like a good person when I persue...sometimes I get sad because I dont know if I still am that guy...the hopeless romantic...Anyway, back to the story. It started with me just bumping into her in the halls.. then I would eat breakfast at the same long table as her....then...the library..finally I would find myself intentionally running into her. She would study a lot at the library. I would go there just to see her.. pass her love notes...Now she had a boyfriend back in Japan.. but I didnt care..I wanted her...eventually we spent almost all the time together...dinner, talking, movies...it was great...Looking back.. another 3 months..and I think we probably would have been married..lol..at least eventually...but life has other plans..
So in the last month of school.. I was in love with her...but she had to go back to Japan..which broke my heart....that last month.. I was so happy..and her love was pure.. It was the great love too. the kind that you earn..Finally, she had to go back.. I remember our last walk...We both broke down crying...I can still see her face...She called me C.C...and said I had goo goo eyes.. she loved them...I love when she called me C.C. and I hope that my wife does the same..She is the only women who ever has...I remember giving her a last hug..crying...knowing in the back of my head that I would never see her again. I was supposed to go over to Japan for study abroad, but it was either use that money for grad school, or study abroad....I chose grad school. I dont regret the choice though.. Somethings should be left untouched..despite my heartache...life has a way of working out...